suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
