I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
