Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
