well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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