In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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