Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
