wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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