Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
