Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
