There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
