I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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