Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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