he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
