Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
