spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
