We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
