he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
