I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
