A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
