I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
