wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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