we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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