Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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