I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
