I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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