I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
