When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
