At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Randomize
