did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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