Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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