idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
