I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
