if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
