then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
