yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
