For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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