Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
