Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
