Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drunk is a universal language darling
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