so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's get the cat blown out
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
