thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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