im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and she was petting her beer can
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
