I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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