i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
