It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
