WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
