So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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