I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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