This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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