You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
