Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
