We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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