When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
