woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
