im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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