I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
