2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
