I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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