I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
