I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
