so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
