I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
